i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
