So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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