I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
