Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
