Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
