They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
True strength comes from lack of pants
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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