I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
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I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
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Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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