No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
