I am spending my child support on dildos
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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