evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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