Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
