There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
