I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
