i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
