Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
