First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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