Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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