So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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