That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
