I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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