if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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