Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
