Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
