I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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