he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
