Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
