all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
