So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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