Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
