It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
