i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
