Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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