May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
