omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
