Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
