hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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