I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
