I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
