wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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