It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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