I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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