ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
