she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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