So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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