Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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