I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
