just tell him i said nine months
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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