we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
