His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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