you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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