I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
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I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
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In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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