The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
