Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
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you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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