Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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