you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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