the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
