He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
