I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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