you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
