last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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