I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
