At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize