I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
