she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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