when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
