Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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