Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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