so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
