You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
