she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
